


Mutually Assured Destruction (Touch)

by Half_SubmergedinPurgatory



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Creampie, Denial so hardcore it is barely even acknowledged, Desperation, Ear Piercings, F/M, Infidelity, Mashup of MCU and Comics-Verse, Nipple Piercings, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Possessive Behavior, Re: Hank Pym's Ultron and Civil War doesn't happen, Riding, Sharing a Bed, Toni Cheats on Steve, Touch-Starved, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, falling in love by accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-27 01:19:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory/pseuds/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory
Summary: Learning how to touch again after trauma can be...tricky. It's a necessary part of healing, though. Toni knows this and, no matter how much she's coming to love Steve, her and Bucky have a lot of healing to do.So touch. Toni can do touch. It'll be fine - co-sleeping with the Winter Soldier will go fine. Great even. No problem.(There's a problem)Warning: This is a cheating fic! Heed the tags!





	1. Chapter 1

There are countless studies indicating that touch is an important part of the human experience. It’s vital for health - mental and physical.

It can be surprisingly hard to come by.

In Toni’s experience, touch often came with strings attached. Those strings transferred from one person’s skin to another’s. Each string was a demand for favours.

Sexual, monetary, emotional...

Intimacy was hard. Being a cheap fuck was easy.

At least, that’s what she used to think.

After Jarvis died, nobody was there to touch Toni without expectation ( _without expectation that she could stand. Jarvis always expected love, but it was easy to give. She didn’t know when even that favor grew to demanding for her_ ). She took what she could get. Eventually though, sex lost its lustre.

Then...then Afghanistan. TOUCH lost its lustre ( _everyone’s hands were too soft. Too clean. Only Rhodey and Yinsen‘s hands felt enough like her own that her skin stopped crawling_ ).

Many studies showed that everything that had happened to her - the trauma, the PTSD, the crippling anxiety in the face of dying again and again - was worsened by her refusal to be touched. By her refusal to meet expectations. She was making herself sick.

( _‘Stop crying, girl.’ The clink of ice on crystal. ‘You make me sick. You want a hug? Earn it.’_ )

Eventually, after Hank Pym built Ultron and she had to sacrifice one of the last keeper’s of her secrets to stop him ( _JARVIS, oh god, JARVIS-)_ , SHIELD wasn’t willing to tolerate Toni spiralling alone. The Avengers agreed with them.

So Toni saw a therapist. She stonewalled the woman for a month before Steve, always ready to try again Steve, knocked on her door. He’d bullied his way into her kitchen, sheepishly made her a cafe mocha to die for, and said he’d been sent to talk her into opening up.

Then he’d laughed and said he wasn’t going to do that at all.

Steve, always ready for second chances Steve, swung by her floor twice a week for a month to maintain the pretense that he was doing as asked. He used that time to check up on her. And it made her notice something.

The space around Steve was almost as empty as the space around her. He was lonely. Untouched.

Respectful of her reasons for wanting to remain so.

Longing to reach out ( _every surface she touched, she found his hands skimming over later. He’d furtively take in the warmth, substitute it for contact, leave his mark where hers had been moments ago. It was...fascinating_ ).

Toni pushed him. She couldn’t resist - Steve’s behaviour had always been a thing of mystery to her. Here was a man even more bottled up than she was, yet nobody noticed. Nobody ever wound him tight. Nobody ever let him explode.

Nobody had ever seen him cry.

SHIELD got tired of her stonewalling. Fury chewed Steve out but good, all to the tune of his flat ( _shit-eating_ ) ‘yes, sir’s. Toni thought it was the most personality she’d seen out of him since they started on this team together.

Which was sad, really.

In fact, a lot of things about Steve were sad. That included his ( _clearly failing_ ) relationships with Sharon, then Janet, and then a striking woman by the name of Emma who made Toni’s heart skip a beat just by being in the same room.

Toni remembered substituting sex for touch. She could see the signs ( _the refusal to be intimate in any way other than physical_ ).

So the next time she picked Steve up in battle, she let her gauntlets slide away from her hands for just a moment. Pressed her palms against the back of Steve’s neck, just above the cowl he’d pushed down, and had told him,

“Hold on to that fine American ass, sweet cheeks. We’re gonna do a barrel roll.”

He’d been so stunned he hadn’t held on at all. There had been a spectacular near-dropping scenario, some startled yelps, and Toni had nearly collided with a bird. Steve laughed so hard he’d wheezed like an asthmatic.

Toni had fallen a bit in love, to be honest ( _her hands warm and tingling)_.

It had only gotten worse after that.

As if he’d been given permission ( _and Toni supposed he had_ ), Steve’s hands kept finding ways to brush against hers. The only contact was things other people wouldn’t notice. Nothing inappropriate.

Still, it set her blood on fire.

Steve’s fingers winding around one of her curls, a long mess of them having fallen free of her sloppy bun in the shop. Steve’s wide hot palms sliding across her back. Steve’s thumb skating across her knuckles.

Those simple touches felt like all she could take.

Judging by the redness of his cheeks and the shy duck of his head, she guessed he felt the same. Steve leaving Emma only solidified that thought.

The next time he came to her floor to talk about therapy, she kissed him breathless. Relished the full press of her body against his. Felt her heart thundering like she was seconds from a panic attack.

“You need contact, Toni.”

Her therapist told her, looking twenty years older than she had when these sessions started. The words sent the same twinge of unease through her core that they always had, but this time instead of scoffing, Toni grinned sharply.

“I do have contact.”

She said,

“Intimate contact...with Captain America’s dick.”

She’s been reamed out by SHIELD after that. So had Steve, but Toni was pretty sure Fury wasn’t actually all that mad. He was probably happy to have Toni on somebody’s leash.

She’d scoffed at that when her and Steve were still just...really good friends with benefits. People with no control over each other. Just fuck buddies...and people who leaned on each other after battles. Who met up on nights they were both having a hard time and just shared a bed to keep the nightmares away.

It didn’t take long for Steve to wish her a happy one month anniversary. Toni had kept her terrified meltdown under wraps, had simply pretended to forget the date, and very pointedly did NOT bring up the fact that she hadn’t known they were dating.

The next time she saw Fury, he’d smirked. Of course he’d known. Bastard ( _she liked him, though she’d never admit it to his face_ ).

Touches between herself and Steve were still furtive. People had a hard time telling they were dating, though it was obvious to everyone that they cared for each other ( _and that scared Toni shitless_ ). They stayed in separate rooms most nights.

Still...it felt like healing. Like some part of Toni’s mechanical heart had finally stitched itself back together.

Rhodey told her she looked happy a year later. It was the first time he’d said that to her in a decade. He cried a little.

As Rhodey traced the smile on her face, Toni decided he was right. She WAS happy.

...

And then the Winter Soldier entered the field.

  
_________  


Fighting the soldier was priority number 1 for the Avengers for months. He was constantly trying to kill Fury - something he damn well would’ve achieved if the entire team wasn’t dedicated to stopping him. The man was fast and wily and STRONG.

It took a lot of planning for Steve to finally knock the soldier’s muzzle off. They’d been proud, then had frozen at the face of James Barnes, streaked with war paint but undeniably the same one Steve had sketched dozens of times, exposed in the middle of a fist fight.

Steve had been devastated. Then they found out Hydra was in SHIELD, causing Steve to grow paranoid ( _his hands staying in his pockets or on his shield, Toni’s skin growing cold-_ ).

Then...

They’d found the files.

Mission reports ( _December, that road, her mother-)_.

Toni’s skin had felt like shattered glass. Spiderwebs of pain lanced across of her body and she was only held together by the barest frictional forces. If she moved - if she breathed - she would fall to pieces.

Steve looked to be in the exact same condition.

The devastation in his eyes, the way he couldn’t even look at her ( _for support, like he had during ever other hard fight they’d had in the past year_ ), forced Toni to draw in a sharp inhale. She couldn’t bare to touch him, but maybe...

“Steve,”

She rasped,

“Breathe.”

And he did, just barely. They both whispered to each other for an hour ( _basic instructions: inhale, exhale)_ before they could collect themselves from the floor. There was a howling in the back of Toni’s mind, pain as sharp and unrelenting as a dozen paper cuts, but they had a mission.

They were Avengers first, people second.

So they went on. They fought the Soldier again and again to the tune of Steve’s desperate speeches. Finally, Natasha and Toni managed to coordinate well enough to paralyze the Soldier long enough for a proper capture ( _with the assistance of a new hero - Sam Wilson was an asset and a half_ ).

In custody, he was unstable. Unstable yet...increasingly confused ( _heart-breakingly human_ ). He recognized Steve and the blood on his own hands ( _trapped in the sliding plates on the metal one and under the fingernails of the other_ ), but nothing else.

He wouldn’t let Steve touch him. The space around James Barnes was emptier than the space around Toni had ever been. Unlike Steve, he didn’t touch traces left behind.

He didn’t touch anything.

It was fascinating. She couldn’t help but watch. She couldn’t help but notice him watching back.

“I know what I am.”

He’d told her through the transparent carbon nanotube walls that lined his cell,

“I’m the weapon that killed your parents. I destroyed your life once before - don’t let me do it again.”

He was making an offer, she realized. He’d let her kill him. Only her.

His pain...her pain...

They were connected.

The thought sizzled through her, leaving her nerves raw and bloody. Barnes was an empty man. Untethered to anyone. Untouched.

But they had a connection.

It only made sense that Barnes clung to it. Once she looked, REALLY looked, she could see him doing the things Steve had done. Barnes didn’t touch the places her hands had been, but he did trace the spiderweb cracks her trauma had left in her ( _her body, her mind, this building, this team-_ ). He’d bring them up, perceptive and empathetic, but painfully blunt.

She poked at his in return.

Barnes brought up how she felt about Steve, how Steve would never accept her hating Barnes, and sounded genuinely sad about it. Like he’d ruined her life in yet another way. 

So she told him Steve would never accept that Barnes was a broken man. That he’d hold out hope forever. That he’d always force Barnes to be BETTER, even when it hurt.

They’d stared at each other, measuring the painful truths between them, and done it again. And again.

( _Barnes’ presence was putting a lot of strain on the team. Clint wanted to convert him into a hero, Natasha felt that she owed him a debt, Bruce was terrified he’d set off the Hulk, Thor was still outraged about SHIELD meddling with infinity stones now that they’d been exposed as Hydra...if the team fell apart Toni would be left holding the bag_ )

( _She told him that if they fell apart, nobody would keep him from Hydra’s hands_ )

And again.

It wasn’t...healthy. It was also a secret - nobody was ever around on the late nights Toni wandered down to Barnes’ cell. And if they were, Barnes would warn her with a look ( _one she came to understand all too quickly_ ).

It wasn’t healthy, however it was intimate. A touch. A touch neither had allowed in years.

There was undisguised longing in Barnes’ gaze every time she left. Toni got the distinct impression they were going to destroy each other.

It was only Steve crawling into her bed, ( _whispering that he missed her, kissing her neck and burying his face there_ ) that kept her from spending too many nights trading wounds with Barnes. Eventually, Steve’s shuddering nightmares about what had been done to his friend kept her from going down there period.

The next time she came by was with Steve ( _his hand fastened around her wrist like a shackle_ ). He wanted her to meet ‘Bucky’. To try and connect with him.

If only he knew ( _if only she could let him see this secret. Steve loved two broken people_ ).

Once they were in sight of the cell, Barnes straightened up. He responded to her presence like a dog on point.

He pressed his metal hand to the transparent wall in what was unmistakably desperation.

“Buck-“

“Toni.”

Barnes rasped. She took an unthinking step towards him before halting at a sharp tug on her wrist. Steve was still holding on to her, glancing between the two of them in concerned confusion.

She’d left Barnes alone. Untouched. Even though they’d been hurting each other, he was clearly begging for it - begging for her to stand at the wall and take him apart.

She was shocked by how strong the pull to do exactly that was.

“It’s ok, Steve.”

She said, mind working at a million miles an hour, an idea taking form,

“We won’t hurt each other.”

The disappointment passed over Barnes’ face almost too quickly to be seen. Toni only saw it because she was looking for it ( _was validated by it_ ). Steve saw it because he was a super soldier. His hand tightened on her wrist, but he stepped forward with her anyway.

Toni pressed her hand over Barnes’. Watched him visibly wrestle with himself to stay still ( _to avoid flinching away)_.

“When I met you...”

Toni said, directing her words to Steve without turning around,

“Both of us refused to listen to a therapist, but some of their advice actually helped. Touch - they always advised touch in recovery. It helped me sleep.”

Steve made an understanding sound behind her ( _filled with empathy as his hands wrapped around her waist, soothingly stroking her sides_ ), but it was nearly drowned out by the blood rushing in Toni’s ears. She felt queasy, excited, terrified-

“How’ve you been sleeping, Barnes?”

She asked. She watched as Barnes’ entire body jerked with understanding ( _only his metal hand staying fixed in place under hers_ ). She tried to communicate with her eyes - she was giving Barnes a way out.

Giving them both an out. Preventing mutually assured destruction.

“Badly.”

Barnes rasped,

“I can’t risk-“

He cut himself off, the ‘hurting anyone’ he didn’t say filling the silence nonetheless.  
  
Toni arched a brow at him. Her message was clear: they’d already been hurting each other.

“Buck, I’ve offered my room before. I'm just as strong as you-“

Steve begged, hands flexing and relaxing where they folded over Toni’s stomach. Barnes ignored him, squeezing his eyes shut and shuddering.

“Alright.”

He whispered. Steve twitched, pulling Toni in tight ( _like a human teddy bear_ ) as if he could physically reign in his excitement.

“Really? I’ll clean-“

Steve was saying when Barnes muttered,

“You can sleep in here.”

There was a beat of shocked silence ( _Steve’s hands now locked tight over Toni’s belly button, pinning her whole torso in place_ ). Barnes opened his eyes, looking right at Toni.

“If there’s one person I trust to put me down for putting them in danger, it’s you.”

He sighed, sounding defeated and exhausted,

“Sorry Stevie, but the way you let me beat on you - I can’t. I can’t do that...don’t make me do it again.”

Steve argued with him for hours. Toni stood through it all, wrapped in the embrace of her boyfriend, and kept her hand fixed right over Barnes’ the entire time.

She was saving them mutually assured destruction.

Right?

_________

  
Curled against Bucky Barnes’ back in an extra-firm bed, Toni wasn’t so sure.

Hatred curled low in her belly. Pain howled in her head. Memories of her parents seemed to be painted onto the back of her eyelids and Toni couldn’t stand being touched.

Couldn’t stand intimacy.

But Bucky Barnes’ metal fingers were curled around her ankles and their legs were entangled.

She slept well the first night. She slept well every night.    
  
It was...fine.

( _Mutually assured destruction_ )


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I played myself thinking I could make this just two chapters. Oops.

Touch - consistent, reliable, trustworthy touch - was worth more than every list of zeroes in Toni’s account. It was something she couldn’t buy. Something that, once owned, she’d kill to protect.

Steve’s long artist’s fingers intertwining with hers. His lips, soft and affectionate, brushing over her cheeks. Laying on his sturdy chest.

That was love. That was trustworthy.

But there was something about being careful with another person when you were never built to do that for long...

Something that sat sour and acrid on her tongue, like licking a battery ( _or articulated metal_ ). Made her hate her worse parts more than ever. God, she wished she were anybody else.

Rhodey’s feet, cold and bony, nudging at hers. His weird trick of toe-walking them up her legs just to watch her squawk. His arms, sure and strong, wrapped tight around her shoulders as they shook in laughter.

That was also love, more trustworthy than anything she’d ever felt in her life even if sometimes her faith wavered.

Rhodey used to make her feel like Steve did. She used to try to be better for him, because Rhodey was so SO good. But Toni had met him long before she learned how to be careful with other people. Long before she learned what it meant to be breakable.

He’d endured, and the sour taste on her tongue had gradually faded to nothing at all. His friendship, his love, was like water.

Tasteless and necessary as breathing.

They made her better. She had thought...she had thought Barnes would make her worse. That at best she would make him better and remain unchanged herself ( _that they would connect just enough to keep Barnes from tipping over the edge, to keep Steve happy, to soothe the hatred inside of herself_ ).

But it seemed touch didn’t discriminate.

Barnes’ thick thighs jammed between her own as he slept heavily on his side, the weight of his body pinning her half beneath him like the worlds largest and densest blanket. His stomach twitching beneath her head as she draped herself across his body, her fingers skimming over his abdominal muscles. His hands - metal and skin - buried in her hair ( _untangling the strands from metal joints in the mornings causing them to laugh with one another for the first time_ ). His mouth, softened by sleep, slightly open and pushing hot air across her neck. His teeth digging into her skin back when hatred was still her first instinct and fighting was his, reacting poorly to being shoved off the side of the bed-

Her and Barnes touched often. There was no space in his bed for separation. No point in it either ( _Toni was there for a reason and she'd make them both uncomfortable to achieve her goals_ ).

Besides, Barnes was a cuddler. Was desperate for it really ( _so was she. God, so was she_ ).

He spent a month with her in bed, not committing a single murder. It was all recorded, well-documented for Steve and what remained of SHIELD’s prying eyes, and Barnes was let loose from his cell at long last.

( _She didn’t hear a single comment about those videos. She only knew Steve had watched them when he failed to comment on the teeth marks by her elbow_ )

Steve seemed torn between delight and the first flickers of worry when Barnes refused to leave the tower ( _run off again like he’d always planned to_ ). He’d softly asked Barnes if he was sure one time too many, eyes flicking between Toni ( _tucked into his side half-hidden by his body_ ) and his brainwashed best pal.

Barnes had only bared his teeth at him and left ( _heading straight up to Toni’s penthouse_ ).

When she’d asked Steve about it later, he’d sheepishly admitted that him and Barnes had had a complicated relationship in their teens. Brothers in all but blood, they still had their disagreements. Always over women.

“Buck was always a charmer.”

He’d said, twisting one of her curls around his fingers and kissing it softly,

“And we liked the same kind of girl - somebody with fire in their hearts and all kinds of attitude. He uh...”

He’d grimaced, then tucked her beneath his chin so she couldn’t see his expression,

“He’d take them to bed pretty often. It wasn’t till I broke his nose that he stopped - didn’t realize it hurt me so bad, y’know.”

She’d paused ( _guilt chewing at her despite the way she reasoned with herself_ ) before tracing her fingers over his cheekbones ( _letting him lean into the touch, trusting and beautiful and **hers**_ ). Finally, she’d whispered,

“If this brings up bad memories, I can tell him to sleep somewhere else-“

Steve, selfless and good ( _too good_ ), kissed the top of her head. Told her,

“He’s been doing so much better with you. Opens up more, trusts himself - you’ve been happier, too. I think it’s good for you both.”

He notably didn’t say keep doing it. Toni was getting familiar with the ways Steve lied, the ways he ignored his own needs, placing other’s above his own. This was exactly how he did it.

But he was right. Barnes had been doing better. Toni’s own anxiety had softened somewhat, too.

So she went back up to her penthouse, crawled on top on Steve’s best friend, and let him hold her close.

“Steve told me you used to sleep with his ladies.”

She murmured in his ear. The chest beneath her reverberated with a rusty chuckle as a metal hand petted the length of her bare thigh.

“I guess some things never change.”

Barnes responded. His wandering hands found their way back up to her thick mess of curls, burying themselves inside just like every other night.

Some things never changed.

_______

“Dressin’ up, darlin’?”

Barnes asked, lounging on his stomach, head propped up on his metal fist, as he watched her pull blue lace lingerie from her closet. She hummed in reply ( _distracted by trying to pick between various shades of blue - it was the anniversary of the first time Steve got her into bed and she wanted to dress to impress_ ).

She laid her outfits out on the bed, each dress paired with underthings that suited its lines best. Toni swatted Barnes’ feet out of the way, huffing and rearranging his legs for him ( _they weighed a ton_ ) as he chuckled. She tickled the back of his knee, then yelped as his involuntary kick sent a set of garters flying into the wall at Mach speed.

After Toni got everything settled again, she frowned and discarded several sets - the navy blue cage harness seemed like it was going too far while the cobalt silk and ribbons teddy had too much going on. She honestly couldn’t remember why she bought either of them. Their colours were washed out in the light of the arc reactor anyway.

“Steve prefers simple.”

Barnes spoke up, rolling over and pushing aside everything with more than three parts ( _right onto the ground. She glared at him as he winked unrepentantly_ ),

“He’s not gonna understand any of this fancy stuff.”

Toni rolled her eyes. She retorted,

“Did lingerie not exist in the 1940s?”

While throwing some icy blue mesh at Barnes that, while attractive, was probably going to wind up torn once Steve peeled her out of her dress ( _he was always careful with her, but her clothes didn’t get the same treatment_ ). Barnes eyed it with interest, flipping it around in his hands to admire the magnetic buckles she’d sewn onto it.

“It did.”

He admitted,

“Nowhere near as nice as this, but there were plenty of frilly bits.”

Toni flipped him off over her shoulder at the ‘frilly bits’ comment ( _her collection was sleek and sophisticated, thank you very much. Not a frill in sight_ ) and considered trying the four outfits she had left on. It’d been awhile since she’d last seen herself in them.

“Still...”

Barnes paused and she heard the rustle of fabric,

“While I mighta been fanatic bout unwrapping a woman like a work of art, Stevie doesn’t care about the window dressin’.”

Toni shrugged out of the loose shirt she was wearing, extending a hand for Barnes to toss a bra into. She clasped it into place, then strode over to the mirror to frown at the entirely silver piece that wrapped tightly around her throat, mesh barely covering her breasts ( _her nipple piercings glinting if you knew what to look for)_ , bound to a long line of lace that ran between them before splitting over her ribs. It was meant to clip to a set of panties that were cornflower blue and scandalously skimpy ( _dipping low over her ass, arching with a bit of a sweetheart line that made her already fabulous assets appear rounder than ever. The front was...practically nonexistent_ ).

“I thought you said simple.”

She said slowly, straightening the lace and throwing an arch look over her shoulder. Barnes was smirking ( _a hint of insecurity in those silver eyes - always concerned about crossing a line but doing it anyway, like he thought he could convince her to hate him like she should_ ) and twirling those scandalous panties around his finger ( _how did he even get this set so silently? She hadn’t laid it out on the bed_ ).

“I can only speak so much to Stevie’s taste, yeah?”

He said, flicking the panties at her,

“Personally, I like these. Classy, but revealing. Simple enough - it’ll show a little bit over your dress, too. Somethin’ to look forward to.”

A flicker of heat licked at her core as Toni considered her options - a dress with a plunging neckline would show the entire line of silver until it disappeared in her cleavage. It could also show a hint of the scalloped edges of the bra without being too scandalous...

Steve would notice right away. A proper gentleman, he’d try not to stare too hard, but she could definitely distract him a few times over dinner. Hell maybe she could get him to fuck her with it still on - the panties could easily be shoved aside.

She grinned.

“You’re a genius, Barnes.”

She crowed,

“And I would know - I am one!”

He laughed, slow and easy, rolling over her like the Brooklyn drawl he sometimes displayed did. It brought another smile to her face ( _this one smaller, a little gentler)_.

“Go get ‘em, tiger.”

He said, throwing the perfect ( _perfect!!!!)_ dress at her before rolling himself back into the middle of the bed,

“I’m gonna nap so I don’t miss ya too much tonight.”

_______

Toni’s outfit was a smash hit. A homerun. The best choice she’d ever made.

Steve had pulled those scandalous panties to the side the second they got into the car on the way home. He managed to get the dress off before he slid back into her against the wall on his floor. He took the lace off with his teeth when he finally got her into bed.

It was glorious.

She felt loved in a way that had been a little absent lately ( _Steve’s touches tentative and gentle still after a year_ ). She knew he struggled with the ‘Bucky situation’, but wished he’d be more assertive _(that he’d hold her as tight as he wanted when they weren’t in front of Barnes or someone else Steve was jealous of. That he’d do it all the time_ ). Some part of Toni hoped that wearing this set again later would drive him wild.

Another part felt guilty for resting atop a sleeping Steve’s chest knowing Barnes was alone in bed. They’d both been having fewer nightmares together, but being apart had...consequences.

Her last business trip to Japan had ended in her screaming at the top of her lungs, convinced she was back in the portal. Barnes didn’t talk about his dreams, however he’d pinned her to the bed the second she’d gotten back and had kept her below him for hours before letting up apologetically ( _avoiding her out of shame before finally slinking into her bed at 3am and sleeping a good foot away from her_ ).

He’d given her permission to go. Still...

The bitter taste of betrayal lingered in her mouth all night.

_______

When she got back at 7 in the morning ( _leaving the moment Steve got up for a shower, kissing him goodbye with a flirty comment about wet super soldiers_ ), it was obvious Barnes hadn’t slept at all. Her ‘side’ of the bed ( _she rarely slept anywhere but on top of or under him_ ) was mussed up and the pillows were kicked to the floor. Barnes lay curled on his side, dark circles heavy under his eyes and wearing a shamefaced expression.

“Tried using the pillows as a substitute.”

He explained sheepishly,

“But it uh...didn’t work.”

He shifted, exposing the irritated scars where his left shoulder connected to the metal arm, and guilt swamped Toni ( _he’d been picking at it, a habit prevented by him burying his hands in her hair and resting the metal arm over her_ ). Her face must’ve fallen, because Barnes was quick to reassure her.

“It’s not a big deal - I can take one night jus’ fine.”

He promised in a rush,

“Ya don’t gotta change anythin’, just uh...”

He gestured awkwardly next to himself, a flush climbing his cheeks, head ducked behind the long fringe of his hair,

“Lay wit’ me awhile...?”

She couldn’t say no.

Crawling into bed, settling into Barnes’ arms...

She didn’t want to say no.

_______

  
After that, they stopped only sharing a bed when they were sleeping.   
  
There were several lazy mornings wherein Barnes massaged her feet or she carded her fingers through his long dark hair. Where she traced his plush mouth with a finger until it tickled enough that he woke up, nipping at the offending appendage. Where her breasts were pressed flat against his back, making matching up their breathing easy and smooth.   
  
Where they just lay there and talked.   
  
Toni didn't think she hated him anymore.

_______

  
Something heavy was draped across Toni’s body, covering every inch of her naked skin with heat. Her legs wound around it as she tried to roll, aiming to push it off ( _she was sweaty and gross_ ), but the weight was resisting her efforts.

“Barnes, off.”

She mumbled into the hair tickling her nose,

“I’ve told you you’re too heavy to play blanket.”

The body over her stiffened in response to her words. She could feel an increase in the heart rate of the chest pressed against hers.

Concerned, she freed her hands to stroke down the man’s naked back like she usually did ( _pulling him in tighter with each vertebra passed_ ).

And realized his back was scar free. She was in bed with Steve, not Barnes. Shit.

Aiming for casual, Toni teased,

“The same goes for you, Steve. My meager bosom will be flat as a pancake if the two of you keep crushing me at night.”

It was clearly the wrong thing to say. Steve didn’t move at all, his face still tucked into her neck, but she could feel his jaw winding tight.

“Why’d you assume I was Buck?”

Steve said, barely above a whisper. His heart was thundering and Toni had no idea how to make it better. They’d agreed on this - she’d offered to have Barnes sleep somewhere else.

“We share a bed almost every night, Steve.”

She responded carefully, reminding Steve of the obvious,

“Why wouldn’t I assume that he was you?”

Steve’s arms tightened around her. She wished he’d get off already ( _she hadn’t been joking when she said he was heavy_ ).

“Because **you’re** naked.”

He muttered,

“Because **I’m** naked.”

Toni’s thoughts momentarily stalled out. Barnes regularly slept without a shirt on, just like Steve. They ran hot enough to forgo sheets, too. Barnes' bare back definitely wouldn’t have been an unusual sensation.

But she had been aware of being naked herself. And hadn’t questioned it. Hadn’t thought of it as strange.

And, truth be told, when she slept with Barnes there had been fewer and fewer clothes between them ( _skin on skin being much more comforting_ ). She barely slept with pajamas anyway before this whole bedsharing thing.

Quickly, Toni tucked those thoughts away, since she wasn’t fool enough to bring them up to her already insecure boyfriend. Rebooting her brain, she slid her hands up his back to scratch soothingly through his hair.

“I didn’t even realize, Steve.”

She told him,

“There’s no need to be jealous. I’m yours.”

Steve shuddered against her, however he didn’t relax. Knowing him, he couldn’t ask for what he needed ( _always putting himself second, bottling things up, fussing over her feelings and boundaries. Never crossing a line_ ).

She slid her thighs over one of his and pressed herself against his skin. She rocked a little into him, leaving a damp spot.

“I’m yours, Steve. You can remind me of that if you want.”

She said, relaxing completely into his hold as he thrust forward ( _still crushing her somewhat)_ with a bitten off growl,

“C’mon sweetheart, mark me up.”

She’d asked, and he’d delivered. Love bites ran the length of her throat, her thighs, and the small of her back.

Barnes didn’t comment on them when she let herself fall face first into their bed. He simply shucked his shirt and his pants, coming to lay beside her in only his boxers. Tucked one of his hands underneath her shirt, sitting palm-down over the unmarked expanse of her stomach.

Skin on skin.

Just like always.

_______

  
“You smell like me, y’know.”

Barnes’ nose skimmed along the inside of her elbow, one of his hands reaching up to tangle in her ponytail. He pulled her head back, drifting up to inhale open-mouthed at her neck. Toni was comfortable and Barnes’ hands felt grounding in her early morning haze ( _they always felt grounding, always pushing her back into the mattress, pressing her down until she stopped squirming and let herself relax-_ ).

“You’re all over me every night and most mornings. You steal my body wash, you thief. You smell like ME.”

She mumbled, turning her head to follow an interestingly familiar scent to his hair.

“You’ve got gun oil in this.”

She continued, freeing her hands from where they’d been tucked into his waistband ( _gripping lightly at his hips, smoothing over their sharp angles_ ) to tug at his long hair as she mused,

“It’s probably on me now, too.”

The thought was disconcertingly pleasing ( _sharing something - Barnes was right. She did smell like him. Gun oil and powder, leather, salty skin_ ). He seemed to think the same thing, replying only by rolling her over and rubbing his head against her chest playfully. Too tired to laugh, Toni simply enclosed him in her arms again, drawing his head down to rest on her stomach.

In the morning, she thieved one of his shirts to wear to breakfast.

A tension had run through Barnes at the sight ( _a stutter in usually smooth movements_ ). He’d circled her twice before crowding in close, reaching behind her head to pull the tag free.

“Property of Bucky Barnes.”

He read, drawl thick as molasses,

“Now that ain’t right, Doll. I think I’d ‘member makin’ a purchase as pretty as ya.”

She scoffed ( _just barely keeping a giggle from slipping free_ ).

“It definitely can’t be right, you illiterate. Your 40s schooling has failed you if you think your name is spelt ‘size large, 100% cotton, hang dry’.”

She smirked, speaking in the voice most people reserved for toddlers,

“Want me to read the tag for you? Maybe you’ll finally stop abusing your clothes in the laundry - I still can’t believe you bleached your jeans.”

Barnes grumbled under his breath about her memory, tucking the tag back under the shirt’s collar, before resting his chin heavily atop her head.

“I’ll abuse ‘em to my heart’s desire if it keeps ya wearin’ ‘em.”

He said. It was said casually, but Toni could sense the undercurrent of sincerity ( ** _want_** ) within. It released a knot of tension she hadn’t realized she’d been carrying in her stomach.

She liked wearing his clothes. It felt like another form of touch ( _safety...intimacy_ ).

Barnes’ hand stayed tucked into her back pocket the whole trek to team breakfast. He only took it out when Steve took her by the waist, arms sliding underneath the loose fabric of Barnes’ shirt to touch her bare skin.

_______

At a gala, Barnes’ hand stayed on the silk at the small of her back between dances as Steve stayed occupied across the room ( _unhappy and arguing with an group of statesmen_ ). Whenever another man stepped too close, Barnes’ fingers would sneak under the silk at the edges of the plunging back. They’d tighten there possessively as he bared his teeth.

A senator kissed her hand - somebody Barnes couldn’t chase off with just a look. Barnes had taken it immediately afterwards and pressed his lips to her palm, meeting her gaze steadily the entire time. Then he’d kissed her other palm for good measure ( _tongue sliding up to her fingertips, teeth closing briefly around it as his eyelids fluttered_ ).

Staking a claim.

After he’d had to offer up a hand to a sweet young socialite, taking her elbow for a dance, Toni had done the same thing ( _it was only fair_ ). He’d taken the brush of lips over his metal palm motionlessly, but his human hand curled in to cup her face as his thumb pulled down her bottom lip. She’d lingered for a moment, caught in the private vulnerability of his expression ( _soft, wanting...she wished they were back in their room_ ), then broke away.

Toni danced with Steve for the rest of the night ( _keeping him away from causing more fights as something dark and a little confused brewed in Barnes’ eyes_ ).

_______

“Touch her again and I’ll skin you alive.”

Barnes whispered to Doom, transmitted loud and clear over the com unit he’d neglected to turn off. Steve stuttered to a stop across the field and Toni nearly missed her next shot.

“ **You** ,”

And the 'you' was emphasized in an unmistakable way,

“Don’t touch her ever again.”

Doom, unsurprisingly, fled in the face of a thoroughly pissed off Winter Soldier. He hadn’t even been stirring up much trouble to start with ( _Toni had talked smack about his robots last time and, being Doom, he’d decided to take her criticism to heart. His new and improved robots weren’t there to kick her ass so much as to show off their increased range of motion. Doom had personally swept her off her feet to tell her that_ ).

Nobody talked about what they heard over the comms. Steve simply tucked Toni into his chest, twining one of her curls around and around his finger anxiously.

( _Barnes flattened her to the mattress, his hips settling over hers to pin her down, his face and hands buried in her hair. “Don’t let him touch you again.” He growled, “I can’t stand it.”_ )

_______

Hard nights. Harder days. New enemies going after Stark industries, knocking off her designs and murdering her employees.

Stress was getting the better of Toni. She hadn’t been home in a week. Steve had been calling her regularly, keeping her posted on how everyone was doing, giving her a listening ear and a confidant, everything she could’ve needed. But knowing Barnes was in bed alone was like an itch she couldn’t scratch.

She needed to be home.

It ate at her. Constantly.

They’d tried videocalling, furtive and embarrassed, but it hadn’t done shit for her sleep cycle. Her skin felt like it was crawling whenever it touched the cool silk sheets of her hotel rooms. Barnes looked as hellish as she felt.

The moment things began to settle, Toni took off. She was a control freak, but her boyfriend missed her ( _Steve’s hands shook a bit, clenching and unclenching like he wanted to reach out and grasp her_ ) and her bed was calling her name ( _Barnes sprawled out across it like an unhappy cat_ ) - somebody else was going to have to help her handle the cleanup.

She touched down at the tower. Got swept off her feet by Steve, kissed breathless, fed an exquisite brunch. Checked in with Rhodey ( _nearly cried when he offered to help out with the cleanup - he’d already arranged for time off because he was a BLESSING_ ). Got dragged off by Steve again, this time for a shower and an excellent scalp massage before his fingers started drifting.

She’d nearly fallen asleep, then. Kept herself up though, trudged out of the shower, towel-dried her hair, and speedily made her way to her room ( _strung tight like a wire and unable to explain why_ ).

Pressed herself head-to-toe against Barnes’ naked body, soaking in his heat and the scent of his skin as he released a rasping sob ( _burying his fingers in her hair, trapping her in place by folding his thighs over hers_ ). Once he had managed to get himself under control, he whispered her name in her ear like a mantra.

“Missed you, James.”

She told him, nuzzling deeper into his chest before she was out like a light.

_______

  
Barnes - James ( _when she wasn't kidding herself by pretending there was any distance between them_ ) - didn’t wear anything to bed the next time he crawled in. Toni didn’t say anything about it. She liked the way his skin felt against hers.

He didn’t wear anything the next time, either. Or the next.

She was getting a little envious, really. Since being gone, she craved touch ( _the exchange of chemicals through the skin, the sense of connection that never seemed to make it past cotton barriers_ ) like a drug. It left her tense and aching.

But there was a line. Toni distinctly remembered that morning she’d mistaken Steve for James. She knew what he’d think.

There was a line.

So she lay belly down on James’ chest, toying with his hair in the early morning light, with a thin shirt on and panties. Clothed, if only barely.

“Ya know...”

James said, the muscles in his abdomen twitching as Toni stretched to grab a new strand of hair for the braid she was creating ( _breasts pressed against him_ ),

“I can feel metal digging into me. I’ve always wondered, but do you have something going on there?”

Toni blinked and shifted into an upright position, sitting in the cradle of his hips.

“I do.”  
  
She replied, brushing her fingers over her nipple piercings idly. James looked fascinated, scrutinizing her chest through her shirt, and she felt...

You know that feeling? The one where you are watching a runaway train, or car, or bike - the one where something has too much momentum to stop before a disaster. You want to stop it, but you also kind of want to see what happens next.

What you want doesn’t matter, though. Because it’s going to happen anyway ( _ **this** was going to happen_ ).

“Want to see?”

She asked.

There was a line.

They crossed it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is literally just smut. You've been warned.

“Want to see?”  
  
Toni asked, tilting her head to the side and trying to stamp down on the tension winding tighter and tighter inside of her. Her hands fisted her shirt. She wanted to take it off.  
  
Skin on skin - that’s what she wanted.  
  
She’d touched James’ metal arm before. Her fingers had skimmed across almost every inch of skin on his body, but he was most private about the scars lining the top of that arm. Kept it tucked away from everyone.  
  
She’d touched it out of fascination and he’d allowed her to ( _leaned into it, eyes shut and jaw slack as his chest heaved with the strain of staying still_ ).  
  
He could touch her, too ( _skin on skin_ ). It didn’t mean anything other than trust. It wasn’t the reason she was hyper-aware of every breath she was pulling into her lungs ( _filled with James’ scent)_.  
  
It wasn’t the reason the whole world seemed to narrow down to this moment ( _mutually assured destruction_ ).  
  
James’ expression was carefully blank as he reached for her shirt. His hands curled around hers, prying them off the fabric ( _lacing with his for a heartbeat_ ). She sank back on her heels, settling deeper into his lap, as he pulled her shirt over her head.  
  
Gripped with the desire to see what he saw ( _to feel what he felt_ ), Toni’s gaze fell to her chest. Her breasts were small but round - they’d been called a ‘handful’ by many affectionate lovers.  
  
She’d never been particularly impressed by them.  
  
Ty had mocked her once by saying she looked like a teenager ( _had the tits of one, too - gross in hindsight_ ). Of course, at the time she’d been barely out of her teens, but she’d been desperate to be an adult.  
  
She’d gotten her nipples pierced in a fit of pique. Then, in typical Toni fashion, she changed the jewelry until it was hers - something she’d only done for herself.  
  
Teardrop-cut rubies glittered like fresh blood atop a golden crown setting on either side of her nipples ( _pebbling and hard_ ). She’d admired the design countless times while drawing it up, but she had never once felt so...  
  
Exquisite. Regal, maybe? James’ gaze was equal parts dark, hungry, and admiring. When she drew in a shuddering breath, he leaned forward to admire the way her chest lifted ( _the stones catching the light and casting the skin next to them in a reddish glow_ ).  
  
“Beautiful - ya really spring for nothin’ but the best, doll face.”  
  
James’ murmured, silver hand lifting before he paused ( _biting his plush lower lip until it was nearly ruby red)_. It stayed suspended between them for a moment.  
  
Total calm fell over Toni. It was like time had slowed and thickened, pulling tight against her skin ( _dragging her downstream if only she stopped resisting_ ).  
  
“You can touch them.”  
  
She said, low and easy,  
  
“It’s only fair.”  
  
James’ hand moved, but not towards her chest. Instead, he caressed the length of her jaw. Tilted her head back. Placed a hand on her breastbone and pushed until her spine bent, until he was the only thing holding her up.  
  
Only then did his one of his hands drift down from her neck to curl around her back. Like this, she was almost fully on display for him ( _she could picture herself totally naked, hanging in his embrace as he felt every line of her body for the first time, memorizing it-)_.  
  
In the silence of their bedroom, she could hear the hitch in James’ breath perfectly. His quiet curse. The slide of skin as his metal fingers caressed the curve of her breast. The soft clink of metal on metal.  
  
It was soothing...no. Hypnotizing. All-consuming.  
  
His fingers traced the edges of her piercing as Toni shivered. She leaned further back, trusting his hand to support her weight as she tried to expose herself further ( _to give him permission to be firmer, push harder-_ ). It was enough to drive James to give her more than a featherlight touch.  
  
He rolled her nipple between his finger and thumb, feeling the bar running beneath her flesh. The sensation was electric enough that her heart stuttered and her eyes fell closed.  
  
In the darkness with only the sound of their breathing for company, James’ hands on her felt so much more - hotter, heavier, drawing her focus so intensely that the rest of her body fell away ( _her thighs burning from where they touched his naked ones, the small of her back like a flame, coals embedded in her chest-_ ).  
  
A pinch. A roll. His thumb tracing a gentle circle on her hardened nubs.  
  
Her hips jerked.  
  
“These're beautiful.”  
  
He whispered, thumb continuing to trace careful circles ( _just light enough to muddle her senses - did she want more or less?_ ).  
  
“I designed them myself.”  
  
She said. He switched breasts, leaving the one he’d been touching aching and sweetly over-sensitive.  
  
“I could tell.”  
  
He told her ( _he was faking the calm in his voice - his accent completely absent and his thighs quivering underneath hers_ ). Then he hummed, bent forward and licked along her skin, tongue leaving a blazing hot trail in its wake _(wrapping around a ruby before his teeth scraped against it, vibrations making her shudder and gasp_ ).  
  
“Every part of you is something you designed yourself. Won’t let anyone else's things touch you.”  
  
His teeth closed around the erect point of her nipple, tongue laving once over it before he sighed contentedly. He spoke against her skin, murmuring,  
  
“Won’t let anyone touch you but me.”  
  
Toni tried to open her mouth to say something ( _something normal, a joke, a witty comment that would slow this down_ ), however he chose that moment to close his mouth and suck.  
  
Her hips jerked forward again. A heat was burning low in her belly and both breasts tingled, feeling like a low-grade shock or a vibrator set one setting too low. It brought tears to her eyes involuntarily ( _more, more, more-_ ).  
  
“These match the ones in your ears.”  
  
James murmured, toying again with the bars while nudging her upright with the hand on her back. When she glanced down, her chest was flushed pink and she could still see the slight imprint of his teeth.  
  
His gaze was smouldering, though his expression was blank. They could step back - end this experimentation. He’d seen what he wanted to see.  
  
But he’d said her earrings matched. And James...he had to touch. It was only fair.  
  
She tilted her head to the side, letting her hair fall away over her shoulder.  
  
He reached up ( _slowly, so slowly_ ), moving so they sat chest-to-chest, her legs wrapped snugly around his bare waist. His fingers delicately traced the shell of her ear ( _a vibrator a setting too low, an itch that hadn’t been scratched, sensation lighting up every single nerve he touched_ ).  
  
His tongue followed the same path. Toni’s next breath was a gasp, then a sob. James paused. Licked again, wicked and slick, then listened attentively to the choked off noises she made.  
  
Groaned right in her ear,  
  
“I can feel how wet you are. Soaking right through those panties onto my dick.”  
  
She ground downward and moaned at the sensation of his erection pressing against her through the last scrap of fabric she wore. Dipped her hands down to feel for herself.  
  
James’ cock was slick with her. She was more than wet - she was soaked.  
  
( _They hadn't gone too far yet, had they? They hadn't had sex. Steve didn't need to know_ )  
  
He drew her hand upwards by the wrist, nipping again at her ear and thrusting up needily at the way she whimpered. Pulling away, he abruptly slid her fingers into his mouth.  
  
Sucked them clean with half-lidded eyes and a twitching erection. She felt him throb at the taste ( _at her taste, fuck_ ). He drew her fingers in deeper, licking, sucking, tracing his tongue between them.  
  
Practically fucking them into his own mouth.  
  
His eyes slipped completely shut as his hands rose to her chest, kneading her breasts before pinching her nipples ( _just as hard as she wanted - a shock to the system followed by a soothing massage_ ). He tugged and toyed with them, rocking against her as her fingers slipped from his mouth to grasp his shoulders.  
  
He looked utterly debauched already ( _she must look worse_ ).  
  
“Wanna taste you again.”  
  
He groaned ( _the sound digging into her gut and making itself a home there - by Tesla, she'd never forget it_ ), licking a stripe up her neck,  
  
“Wanna taste how wet I make you. Slick up your fingers, love.”  
  
Toni was twitching, panting as the tingling heat from her chest spread lower and lower until it was almost unbearable. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to just breathe, to calm down, but James ground against her again.   
  
In a rush, she obeyed. Toni spread herself open and brushed her fingers over her entrance ( _sensitive and heated already_ ). Looked James in the eye as she pushed in, curling her fingers to feel for the spot behind her clit that always made her gush.  
  
It was a shock when she came, riding her fingers half-dressed in his lap.  
  
It took a minute for her to come down, resting her forehead against his. But when she did...  
  
The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife.   
  
In a single motion, James’ threw her down onto the mattress. His eyes were wild as he tore through her panties.  
  
“‘M gonna eat ya out.”  
  
He said it like a promise ( _like he’d rather die than fail to do it_ ),  
  
“‘N then yer gonna ride my cock till ya scream m’ name. Gonna fill ya up so good, babydoll.”  
  
His fingers pushed into her, curling against her sweet spots, his thumb resting on her clit. His hand engulfed her - possessed her.  
  
“Gonna say all t’ filthy shit I wanna do right 'n those sensitive ears. Gonna mark ya up, sweetheart, inside an' out.”  
  
He kissed her ribs, moving lower with every word.  
  
“Gonna make ya jus’ as mine as I am yers. Pro’erty o’ Bucky Barnes. Fuck, ‘m yers. Open up, cmon, open up for me.”  
  
Her legs spread and she fell back on the bed, hips tilted up and practically begging for it without saying it. Fuck, she couldn’t say it. Saying it would make this -  
  
His mouth was on her, beard burning her thighs, tongue pointing and flicking inside of her in fast shallow strokes ( _just a taste, fuck, FUCK, he was tasting her_ ).  
  
This was real. God, it was real. Out of control and ( _he gripped her thighs, hauled them over his shoulders with his face still buried between them_ ) painfully good.  
  
“James.”  
  
She begged, wrapping her legs around him and nearly screaming at his pleased hum against her clit,  
  
“James, James, James!”  
  
His tongue flattened for a long languid stroke. Once over her entrance, sweeping up over her clit. Again there, digging in just a bit. Then lower, deeper, long strokes inside of her.  
  
When she clenched, he used his hands to keep her spread out. When she buried her fingers in his hair and pulled, trying to drag him back up to her clit, he released her with a wet pop.  
  
Chuckled darkly against her hips.  
  
“I ain’t movin’. Could make ya cum jus’ like this, not even doin’ it the way ya like.”  
  
He dipped down again, letting her grind against his face before pushing back,  
  
“Jus’ gotta have patience t' take ya t’ pieces. T’ show ya nobody else 's gonna fuck ya like I do.”  
  
Toni whined, shoving his head back down. There was a pull inside of her now. She needed to be closer, she needed him all over her, she needed-  
  
She whined louder when he finally sucked her clit.  
  
Jesus, she couldn’t focus. Couldn’t keep a damn thing straight in her head other than James between her legs and the orgasm she could feel rising from deep within.  
  
“I can cum on your mouth or on your cock.”  
  
She managed to gasp out, wriggling her hips as James’ teeth just barely skimmed above her clit ( _far enough away that the contact wasn’t too much, but by all that was unholy it was tempting to shove him down, to overstimulate as she rode that wicked mouth_ ),  
  
“And I want - I want -“  
  
She yanked on his hair, writhing in frustration as he stayed stubbornly in place ( _she was going to cum, his fingers inside her as his tongue teased all along her inner lips_ ).  
  
“James!”  
  
She begged,  
  
“Please!”  
  
His only response was to grind his fingers in viciously, spreading her wide as his tongue dipped back in with a dirty wet sound.  
  
Toni threw her head back and spasmed, clenching around him tightly as her orgasm swept her away.  
  
His hands slid free once her breathing slowed somewhat. She groaned at the feeling of cold emptiness ( _her thighs wet and shivering_ ), reaching for him blindly. He rolled, tugged her onto his chest and sucked on the very tip of her ear. Her nerves lit up in pleasure-pain ( _everything just this side of too much right after cumming_ ).  
  
“Can’t stand it.”  
  
He growled, teeth catching on one of her piercings and pulling lightly,  
  
“Can’t fuckin’ stand not bein’ inside of ya. Need ya. God, I need ya, feels like ‘m gonna die if I don’t pop off in all that warm wet - soakin' just for me, Sugar.”  
  
His cock rubbed against her stomach, leaving thick searing hot streaks of precum in its wake. James’ hips twitched again and again ( _practically rutting against her skin_ ).  
  
“Ride me, Sugar. Toni, sweetheart, wanna spill inside of ya until you’ll do nothin’ but leak me out for days.”  
  
He begged, one hand digging into her hip, the other buried in her hair. She pried off his grip on her curls and pressed a fervent desperate kiss to his palm, then another to his mouth ( _tasting herself in every corner_ ).  
  
Sitting up, she slid her hips back over his in a rush ( _she wanted, she wanted, God, he **needed** her-_ ). Got her hands on his gorgeous cock ( _her fingers couldn’t even meet around the shaft_ ) and held it steady.  
  
She sunk onto it like she was made for it. A giddy elated thought flicked through her:  
  
She **was** made for it. Made for him. Meant to be wrapped up in his arms and perched in his lap, riding his dick until he'd touched every part of her there was to touch.  
  
Fuck, it felt right to have him inside of her. Even as he began to slam up into her, thrusts harsh and raw and animal, she felt settled. Present. Focused entirely on the heat drenching her entire body, James mumbling her name over and over, the delicious throbbing in her pussy and her neck where he bit her.  
  
Cumming was like a revelation. James’ spend filling her up, his lips in her hair, and his racing heartbeat perfectly in time with hers. The desperation ( _months of sexual tension_ ) bled out of her, leaving her breathing softly against James’ neck.  
  
“If you come back into my bed...”  
  
She murmured, laying back and pulling him over her like the world’s largest and most fucked out blanket,  
  
“This is going to happen again.”  
  
James’ eyes slid closed as she cupped his cheek. He leaned into the touch even as his body pinned her from foot to chest ( _like he could never get enough of this contact_ ).  
  
“I know.”  
  
His voice was rough with emotion and his eyes stayed closed. There was silence between them as he placed butterfly kisses down her wrist, elbow, and collarbones. Settling his head on her chest, James whispered,  
  
“I want it to.”  
  
Toni did, too. But once was already too much with Steve on another floor ( _planning a date for tomorrow, no doubt_ ).  
  
She brushed her lips over James’ plush mouth, slowly deepening the kiss, and tasted herself on his tongue. He was content to just hold her there, sharing air and drinking her in. Meeting her gaze with a shy smile until her teeth closed around his lower lip ( _tugging a bit - closer, closer_ ).  
  
Then he slid his cock back into her. He went slow - gentle and loving this time ( _pushing some of his own cum back out onto the growing wet spot on the bed_ ). Careful as he continued kissing her.  
  
Once was already too much. What difference did twice make between her and Steve and James?  
  
( _Mutually assured destruction_ )  
  
( _This just might ruin them all_ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you all believe me if I told you part of the original concept for this was Toni cumming just from grinding against James' lap as he played with her piercings? I don't know how the rest of this happened.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally back from vacation! Weirdly enough, it was harder to work on CBT with my mom in the room (or in the car...or the boat...etc) than it was to do this ficlet. So now that I'm back, here's a snack for everyone who missed me. I guess it's also a snack for everyone who saw me admit I wanted to see some cheating fics on tumblr, haha. Why don't y'all ever write this!
> 
> Legit though this wasn't supposed to come out nearly this dark. Idk what happened? It was originally meant to be kinda fluffy and then smutty - Toni cosleeping with Bucky after his return to get him used to contact again and to help stabilize him, then oops we gun' fuck.
> 
> Theme song for this fic is Intro: Singularity from BTS. Give it a listen.


End file.
